I’ve been sitting here racking my brain and resources for a way to follow yesterday’s entry. I keep going back to re-read it, just because I can’t believe it. But yes, it happened.
I now have this brilliant image in my mind of the complaints’ author – she’s in her late 60’s with half moon glasses and her black, grey-streaked hair pulled into a tight bun while she sits at a typewriter grimly working her way through the many things she’s decided to complain about. (Yes, I realise she sent it in an email, but this image works much better for me)
But back to the issue at hand, I decided to go with the delightful morsels from dearadobe.com – a blog dedicated to the unrivaled niche of short, almost tweet-like complaints about software company Adobe.
I have to say, I don’t have a problem with Adobe. I actually admire them, they released a free pdf reader and flash player, that very many people have on their computers (I went to say most, but have no figures to back this up)
Their other products are popular and reliable if you have the money for them. Also, one of their product names should be in the dictionary… (Who on earth says “have you manipulated that image yet?” – It’s ‘photoshopped’ people!) How’s that for marketing?
But enough grovelling from me, to the complaints. Some of my favourites:
- Please create an installer that puts your software on my computer in less time than it takes to install an operating system.
- Why does Photoshop cost as much as a pre-owned small car? Drop the price please!!
- Could you make Adobe Reader start up slower? I’d like to have enough time to go get a sandwich before I read a one page document.
- Why do you install six “helper” applications in the background when all I want is Photoshop? Keep your Bridge to nowhere the fuck off my system.
- Let me keep my browser open while you update your programs. Or eat hair. The choice is yours.
- Adobe Updater is the single worst piece of software I have ever seen. Please fuck off with that.
- Why do you think it’s reasonable for your updater to steal focus while I’m typing and interpret my keystrokes as approval to reboot my machine?
- Your updater sucks. Make it, perhaps, suck less.
- Please remember that some of us are starving artists and don’t have hundreds of dollars to shell out on your products every year! Try to make it reasonable to stay on top of technology!!
- Mouse wheel. Learn what it is.
- I installed Acrobat 7, then had to restart my computer six times in a row — once for each patch. It is not 2001. This kind of bullshit is no longer acceptable.
- Sort out your installers. They make baby Jesus cry
Alot of this stuff has its merit, but really – the software is FREE. You’re lucky they update Reader to begin with. If I were Adobe, I’d take it away from you and then see how much you dislike my installer while you’re staring blankly at the nonsense code of a pdf in Word.
Another thing, as I realised the first time I had to get Adobe Audition for my job – yes, it is expensive. Because what you should be doing with their products is paid work… Not sitting at home eating 2 minute noodles refreshing fark.com for their photoshop competitions only to produce shit like this:
Yes. It’s shopped.