Strata: For the good of residents everywhere

Apologies for the delay between posts – I could rattle off excuses, but it would only result in the admission that I’m a bad blogger and a bad person – undeserving of your precocious loyalty. I will also apologise about the superfluous use of ‘wanker words’; I have been watching a lot of Louis Theroux today while listening to smooth jazz for my job and it seems to have put me in the mood.

If you have a complaint about my actions, I implore you to submit it – as that is what this blog is about and would give me additional content to post. But alas – instead, I will appropriate:

Today’s complaint comes from the prodigious website 27b/6 and its author David (creator of the *’fazzo’ Overdue Account Spider) who writes:

If I had a large backyard, I would probably have about a thousand dogs but as my apartment is very small, I cannot have any due to both the Strata agreement and the fact that they would need to be taken for walks every day and I am too lazy for that. There is a park across the road from us but the last time I went there I was offered money to provide a sexual act which was kind of flattering but I declined and told them that I was late for a meeting which was a lie as I think I just played Unreal Tournament the rest of that day.

I did have a goldfish named (posthumously) Stinky who lived in a vase with a plant and when he died I figured it would be nice to leave him there so that his body would break down and fertilise the plant but after a few weeks the smell was so bad I could not enter the apartment without a towel wrapped around my face. My first thought was to take him to work and hide him in my Bosses car but out of respect Seb and I gave him a vikings funeral instead.

*I actually heard someone use that word today… I stared at them dismayed for some time.

The complaint and resulting lulz – after the cut.

My Neighbour The Arsehole

Pen Wars is a friend to complaint makers, takers and finders alike and nowhere else will complaints in any entertaining form find their home.

This is why I couldn’t refuse Paul from Sydney, NSW when he  sent me a series of entries via our submit page

An Unreasonable Thing To Expect Ever Happening

Neighbours are tricky. I’ve never had a neighbour I’ve gotten on with and I think it’s the Murphy’s Law of living anywhere there’s someone else close by. In fact I’ve had a number of neighbours that have made my life a living hell – but less about me.

It seems Paul has been holding these complaints about his neighbour for many years and thus I’m happy to show them here.

And so behind the cut – The Tales of Arthur the Arsehole